I've come to understand that death is a part of life. The news of Ya Ya's passing last week brought back a lot of the emotions I had when I lost my other grandpa. However, it was a bit different. My tears weren't so much for my loss. The tears were for my family. My thoughts of sadness and worry immediately went to my grandma, my aunts and uncle, but they mostly went to my cousins, sister and dad.
I've never experienced the loss of a parent. I hope to not feel that for a very long time. I couldn't begin to imagine the feeling of responsibility, loss, and pain that my dad has been going through. I could tell that he was hurting, but had to take care of all the business first. I hope in time he's able to explore those feelings fully, remember his father and start the healing process.
It's been around 20 years since the last time I lost a grandpa. It gets better, but that pain never completely goes away. I couldn't help but feel my cousins' pain through them, knowing that no words could express the sadness they were feeling. I've been there. I know what it's like.
To Jessica, Alissa, and Matt,
Your Ya Ya loved you so very much. The pain that you're feeling will get better in time. It will never ever go away, but you never want that feeling to go away, because that feeling is Ya Ya still living on in your hearts and your memories. It will get better, though. I promise you it will get better.
My relationship with Ya Ya was a bit different from my cousins. He was still a constant in my life. However, when I was young, he used to run many businesses to provide for his family. During the little free time that he had, I know he tried to spend time with me and and my sister. I fondly remember our weekly Sunday night dinners over at my grandparents house. Unfortunately, we grew up before he was able to really spend a lot of time with us (cats in the cradle and all that). I do know for a fact that he loved me. He was proud of me and the life I had. He was proud of his great-grandson.
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| Felix and his great-grandparents |
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| Me and Ya Ya |
We think back about some of the things that you and mom taught us:
Try your best, word hard, be caring, be a good father or mother, and above all be compassionate and a good person. I remember when I was younger and a man came into your store and asked from some food to feed his family. An employee wanted to tell him to leave, but you let the man explain his situation. He said that his family hadn't had much to eat, but he didn't have money to buy them food. you knew that he was sincere and not just a beggar. You asked the employee to pick out some fruits and vegetables and canned food. The employee gathered some fruit and vegetables that would soon need to be thrown out and the canned food were taken from the cart that was discounted in price because they were damaged. You quickly went over and selected some nice produce and canned food and took it to the man. The man said, "I appreciate it, but I can't take this. I don't want a hand out. Is there some work I can do around the store?" You eventually had the man sweep the floors inside and out, and when he was finished he thanked you and left. I remember going over to you and asking you why you had him sweep the floor when I just finished doing it. You said, "It was hard enough for this man to ask for help, but you don't want to make it worse by taking away his dignity."
This showed me that there is a little bit of Ya Ya in me. Maybe not directly, but through the lessons he taught my dad and then through the lessons my dad taught me. Everyday when I go to work and work hard for others that "don't want a hand out" I know that's Ya Ya coming out.
Thank you, Ya Ya for all the lessons you've taught us, how you've provided for us, and all your love and support. You will be missed. I love you.
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| 4 generations of Lees |
